You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
