im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
