News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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