and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
