dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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