I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Welp...herpes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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