When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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