We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
