thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
