took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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