Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
