idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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