I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
