Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
