you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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