The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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