I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.