Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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