genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
