Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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