Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
