the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
