She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
