Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she told me i tasted like america
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
