i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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