the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize