If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
