I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize