life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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