I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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