the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
