I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
