so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
