belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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