Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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