You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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