She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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