forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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