We're like a lot better than the average bears
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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