I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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