Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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