thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
