he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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