i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
