I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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