You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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