Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
