Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize