The maid of honor just puked.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
