Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize