Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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