batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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