Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
