Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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