So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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