id be glad to
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They have beer where we have blood.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
