It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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