This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
