Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
