True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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