Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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