Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
