i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
