have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
