I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
