Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
