i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
