it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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