It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
