You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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